Love needs an incredible amount of freedom, and although this sounds very good, we are often very scared of this. It is hard to set our loved ones free because we are afraid that they will find things or people better, nicer, more exciting than us and as a result, will leave us. Yet it is the most loving thing we can do if we’re going for the Real Good Lovin’ (which naturally, we are). It is the most loving because it comes from a deep understanding of how life works (which is, in case you didn’t notice): cyclical. We all need times to reach down deep into solitude to find whatever we need from there to grow, be it inspiration, grounding, quietness, God. From there we go back and are available and committed to ourselves and thereby to others. This is the way all creation works; like the seasons things rise, decline, die and rise again.

The problem nowadays is twofold. First off, we are as a culture submerged in linear thinking, not cyclical. This means that we see things as either/or and as a. leading to b. in a straight line. Secondly, we tend to see one end of the spectrum as better than the other, maintaining the illusion that basically, things have to be GREAT and FUN all the time. When they don’t (I’m not even going to say ‘if’) we feel that something is Wrong. Which of course isn’t the case, it’s just the cycle going down in order to go up again.

The way we treat romantic love is a good example of this. We have the tendency to long for commitment and company when we are free or single and when we are in a committed relationship we tend to long for freedom. When we are in either of both situations, we feel bad about not being satisfied where we are. If we have committed ourselves to someone, we feel bad when we need freedom, or worse; when they need it. When we long for commitment, we feel bad that we cannot be satisfied with our freedom and have trouble wishing it for our lover.

This feeling bad comes from not understanding the cyclical, loop-like nature of love. We don’t feel bad about wanting the opposite as long as we allow ourselves and our lover times to be free and times to be committed and not choose just one of both and ‘stick with it’. If we only want freedom, or if we only want commitment, we will never truly have both. We don’t want our love to get stuck in either grasping or fear of commitment. Practicing love, when done properly is a dance between freedom and commitment. It is scary as hell and probably we will fall flat on our face a million times, but oh, when we get the dance right it is divine…  Luckily, flowing through the loops of freedom and commitment gracefully does not only take courage, strength and faith but also develops it, making it a true spiritual practice.